Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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