dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
