you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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