so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
