you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
