sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
