and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize