I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm jealous of your bromance
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
May the power of my ass compel you!!
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