he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
