she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
