there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
