I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
