physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
