Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
