I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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