Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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