omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
