His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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