Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
