i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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