I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize