you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
