i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize