He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we made out on top of his cat.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
