you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
