Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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