i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We are all done wearing pants today
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize