Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
