We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
