There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
