WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
