she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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