My cat gives me a boner
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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