4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I want a musical about memes.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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