I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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