please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
