I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
