dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize