youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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