I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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