I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Randomize
