I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
