I could have mohawked her pubes.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
