even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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