ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
