i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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