I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
