I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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