That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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