didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sorry about my life...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
