You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
