There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
There's a naked man in my car right now.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
