Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize