i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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