this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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