i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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