everyone is single if you try hard enough
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Randomize
