My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
