I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
