"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
