Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
