don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
