I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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