I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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