laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize