Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
