my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
