so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
