You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
