dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
