i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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