He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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