I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
