i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
