he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
