My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
