She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
