why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
