Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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