I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
