Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
