yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
