Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
