I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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