You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize