i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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