I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Damn victory sex feels great
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
