So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
