Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
