I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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