I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
