Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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