and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
