Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
