Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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