Christians are straight up FREAKS
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
