if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
