I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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