WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize